Thursday dawns and my daughter (d1) calls and says she and her boyfriend can head over to Grandpa’s tonite along with us, would that be OK?  I told her I was going to call him later and let him know and to just plan on it.  I made my call and he did his usual, come ahead and will just get through it! sigh……

Our excitement had been dampened but we get ready and head out after dh gets home from work.  My niece calls several times and says she is excited to see all of us so that spurs us on….  We arrive about 8PM we get unloaded and put our stuff where we will be sleeping.  We didn’t get to see dad over Christmas due to the weather so my youngest is handing Pop-pop all his presents and helping him open them.

He seems like he is handling it all OK at that moment enjoying the attention.  We had all eaten before we got there which was good and spent some time visiting although n1 and dhn2 were working and we for the most part just let them do that.

When I was catching up with n1 she said that Grandpa had been hovering over them since they set up their computers, originally they were working in the kitchen but since we were arriving they moved dhn2 downstairs to sleep and hooked up their computers downstairs as well with the hope to get some undisturbed work done.  My dad isn’t too computer savvy, he has one of his own he uses but doesn’t really get all that computers can do nor does he fully understand the internet and how it works so he was asking them lots of questions…..and they were having trouble getting stuff done.  That day, he had n1 go to the store with him, visit with his neighbor etc etc and she didn’t get sat down to work until 2PM!

She also told me when they arrived after traveling for 12 hours that Grandpa spent the first 1/2 hour with them telling them about how to throw the garbage out, not to put food down the sink, hovering over her while she was helping him in the kitchen, just weird stuff like that.  Well, I am used to that with him cos he is my dad but they weren’t……so I felt bad for them   Dhn2 just did not get the whole garbage thing…..I don’t either but I fake it well!

Friday dawns and we are hitting the Goodwill and going out to lunch; n1 says she is almost done with all she needs to do and to call her, she might join us.  Dad did not want to come as he is a bit unsteady and tires easily.  We called n1 as we were checking out at Goodwill and she was showered and done with her work and ready to come join us…..she told Grandpa and he just frowned, I think he thought we were pulling her away from her work.   She assured him she was in a great spot and ready to spend a little time with us.

After lunch we hit the mall and browsed around, we had tentatively made plans to order pizza or something for dinner before we left home and we weren’t really worried about it as we had a big lunch and we weren’t too hungry.  My dad usually has a glass of wine and chips and dip on a Friday but generally he is pretty routine with his meals and likes to eat on his time clock.  We called him and it was after 5PM and he wasn’t very happy, we weren’t home yet, no sign of dinner etc etc.  I hung up and we conferenced……so, we decided we’d order pizza and pick it up on the way home.   I called him back and he wasn’t up for that, he didn’t want to eat pizza and we could figure out our dinner ourselves.  He just was in a crazy mood.  I asked him why he was so upset and he just said everything was wrong and hadn’t I been watching the TV……..hmmmmmm……

Feeling quite awful, we ordered pizza and headed for home after n1 and our youngest got their hair done.  We got home about 6:45, not too terribly late for most people! Pizza and refreshments in hand we arrived and tried to be normal going in the house and it was as if he wasn’t nasty on the phone at all……just too strange!  We all hung out together for quite a while and he seemed generally OK, he wasn’t really talking to me at all though.  I was persona nongrata for the weekend anyway so I didn’t let it bother me.

Saturday dawned, we asked Grandpa if he’d like to join us and he declined and I figured he would, we were going to out and about all day and it would be just too much for him. We hit all the local sites, Pike Place Market, Seattle Center, Ivar’s and the waterfront, we even went up the Space Needle as the day had gone from gray and gloom to clear and beautiful. The view was spectacular and I was thrilled as 4 of the 7 of us had never gone up the needle before.

We checked in frequently with dad and that was good, he seemed in a better mood. He had even taken Sadie the dog (who wasn’t welcome!!) for a walk! After hitting Alki Beach and getting a quick coffee at Starbucks we called dad and said we would be coming home to make dinner which was great but caused much grumbling from dad as the stove got dirty (imagine that!) nothing a little elbow grease wouldn’t take care of.

The bottom line is we all managed to have a brilliant time without sending my father too over the edge. He just worries more about his “stuff” than enjoying the family that is around him. It makes everyone in my family very sad that he is like that and through it all we love him but he sure makes it difficult sometimes!!

I also talked to my older sis just yesterday and we both realized that last weeks phone call was us putting on dad’s stress…..so we are all good and that is great! Moral there is don’t let someone else’s stress become your own……we all have enough of our own at times to take on any more!

Till next time….

Grace

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Ok, so I know that there must be lots of you out there that dread certain aspects (or people!) when it comes to the family gathering together whether it is for the holidays, birthdays, vacations or just a weekend away.  As you know my family spent a long weekend this past weekend out of town, we went over to my dad’s (he is 80!) to see my niece (n1)  and her sister’s husband (dhn2) whom we hadn’t ever met.  They were unexpectedly called out to this area for their work which resulted in an opportunity for us to meet up and would be arriving on Sunday Jan 11.

My family is spread over the four corners of the US as most are and my niece and her hubby and family live in Kentucky, my sisters and the rest of their kids  live in Florida which is where we try and catch up with everyone…..but we have yet to get the trips coordinated so we can see everyone…..there is always someone missing or a whole family even!!

Well, with the news that they were coming my oldest daughter (d1) and I started figuring out when we could get over to dad’s to see them.  I waited a bit before calling my dad as he is 80 as I mentioned and these kind of things just put his panties in a twist.  My mom and dad have not been blessed with the gift of hospitality and since we lost my mom a little over 6 years ago, my dad is on his own and endures our visits at best and is glad when we head for home once again!

I knew they would be busy with work so I figured we head over Thurs night, spend Fri/Sat there and get up bright and early Sunday and head for home.  I called dad on Monday and let him know I was excited we were going to have company and could we come over as we hadn’t meet dhn2.  He seemed ok so far in the conversation, wanted to know when etc and I told him I would let him know for sure but that we were thinking of coming Thursday night.  I told him I would be getting someone to look after our dog but that d1 would probably be bringing hers as her puppy goes with her everywhere and she really didn’t have anyone to leave her with.  I knew it was going to be a house full but for us it really didn’t matter, we would make do, sleep where ever and just enjoy and be in the moment.

I had told my niece (n1) that I would call her on Tuesday to see how things were going and what their workload looked like etc.  But……before I had a chance to pick up the phone my oldest sister called and was very concerned about us going over etc that dad was all stressed out and could d1 find someone to look after her dog etc etc. and that n1 and dhn2 get into a groove with there work and have to get it done and can’t be bothered…..etc etc. I told her we would busy ourselves doing what we normally do and let them work and when they had time we would hang out.

She had evidently spoken to my dad the night before and he was all worked up about the dog and us coming blah, blah, blah.  I was a bit annoyed as I am not 12 and do know exactly how my dad gets and knew they had to work and just generally didn’t appreciate the input… I know she meant well, didn’t want my family and I to show up and have dad behaving badly and wonder what was up.  So, at this point I thought…..Jeez……should we even go?????????

So, I was just pissed quite frankly and it took me a while to cool down and finally call over to my dad’s that evening.  My dad was in a better mood and I simply asked if it was still ok if we come? Yes, he said, come ahead, we’ll get through it (doesn’t that sound inviting??!) but did we have to come Thurs night?? I said yes as we wanted to do some things on Friday and I would be less tired….etc etc.  I was quiet on the phone and said well, if you are sure then we will see you Thursday, and yes, d1 would probably have her dog but I would talk to her again about it.

I then spoke to n1 and she and dhn2 were planning on taking Friday night and all day Saturday off to hang out see the sights etc and were excited for us to come.

Well, this ends part one, this was just the planning part of it……I will expand more on the actual visit in part 2. (yes, it gets better….or worse or something!!)

My question is this? Is it just me or do any of you have these same kinds of difficulties???? I would love to hear!

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